The day I made the decision to quit drinking I was listening to the JRE Podcast, I remember how empowered I felt in making the decision to get sober for just a brief moment, right before the fear took over. Fear was telling me that I was going to fail at this again, that this was who I was and not the observer listening to this bullshit. But then, I did the damn thing anyway, I set the goal to quit drinking alcohol.
I was working on my landlord’s patio stones as a form of payment because I couldn’t keep working in the Hospitality Industry if I had any chance of getting sober – thank god he was supportive and gave me the support and shelter I needed to make this happen. I remember there was a case of Kokanee beer in the fridge still because I had just moved from British Columbia to Ontario, once the patio steps were complete, I grabbed one, sat on the new steps and cracked it open with my feet up. I had one sip and remembered; “I made a decision to quit drinking, this is why I came here” and questioned “wtf am I doing?”.
I felt I was in over my head but had this drive inside of me to be a winner, to win this game I was playing with my addiction to alcohol. I started working my body out by doing 2h of Kundalini Yoga per day, HIIT workouts and running laps around my neighbourhood. I began to eat healthier foods and hydrate my muscles – did you know it takes about 3 weeks to rehydrate your brain after a night of heavy partying?
The most influential thing to keep me sober was the lectures I listened to by Terence McKenna on Psilocybin Mushrooms. He spoke a lot about the Heroic Dose (5g of dried Psilocybin Mushrooms). Seeing as mushrooms have never killed anyone (neither has cannabis) and I had already experimented with magic mushrooms several times at parties, I challenged my self to do this ‘Heroic Dose” in a sacred setting and with intention during a 24h fast, one special afternoon.
I took my dose in the form of tea with cannabis, as the mushrooms started to work, I felt like a fungus and kind of queasy, so I lit up a pre-rolled joint that was sitting on my table and walked out of my place towards the beach barefoot. I sat there, then laid there and then walked through the forest trail back home. When I closed my eyes, I could see tunnels swirling through my mind but I held myself back from exploring them further, which was okay according to the mushrooms that were quiet entertaining in other ways too.
I received many downloads that night including a new understand of the fractal effect we each expierence in this world. I learned what family karma was that night and that my victim mindset was not going to serve me in the future. I also felt a sense of forgiveness come pouring out of my heart and into the places it needed to go. I felt free and connected in a way that’s indescribable by words.
About four hours later I found myself on my couch ready for bed and inspired to Be The Change I wished to manifest. While I did continue to practice with Terence McKenna’s Heroic Dose this trip alone empowered me to maintain my sobriety, reconsider my self worth and many beliefs that were due for an update. I also was inspired to follow in the McKenna brothers’ footsteps and plan a trip to Columbia, South America which is a story for another time!!!
Sending you much love and gratitude on your Sociedelic journey, Ashley Michaud.